This is my husband and my first Christmas married. It is also our first christmas as parents. We have an 11 week old. My husband is from a BIG family and his family is very extended and they are all local. Every year his family has traditional function or events that are basically mandatory to attend. I on the other hand come from a family who had no extended family nearby and we always did our christmas just with the imediate family. I just today have been instructed by my mother in law to attend Tomorrow morning Christmas breakfast at Cracker Barrel at 9:00AM. My husband works thirds. He is wanting to go. I am up every 3 hours with our daughter. I DO NOT want to go. I dont take her out much AT ALL because she came a month preterm and I was instructed NOT to take her out by her pediactricain. I will take her to the grocery store, to Target and that's about it and when I do she is in her infant seat with the visor pulled down, I buy what I need, and take her straight home. I do not feel comfortable with introducing her to all these people, her getting passed around, oooohed and awwwed over. I dont like the idea of exposing her to this! I am fine with it being just her grandparents or her aunt or cousins but not everyone else too. ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, we are instructed to attend a dinner Monday night for my husbands grandpa which will entail my husbands aunts, uncles, cousins, and tons of other people, Tuesday night is my mother in laws side of the family dinner event which has people coming from out of town, Thursday is XMAS eve which will just be with my family and then Christmas day we will be having dinner at our house with my husbands parents and his sister and her kids.
I DO NOT WANT TO ATTTEND the breakfast, both event dinners. I will do Xmas Eve and Xmas day. My husband wanted me to do all of them! I feel WAY too overhwhelmed almost panic stricken. I should not be expected to do this? Am I crazy???! Please any opinions or advice!
Thanks ladies !!!|||UGH! Freaking Cracker Barrel at 9am with a newborn on a weekend? I am annoyed for you! If I was in your situation, I would pretend I was planning to go up until about 8:00 and then call my MIL and say "oh my gosh I am so sorry-- baby had me up all night and I just got her to sleep. I am going to bed now. I'll miss you guys at breakfast-- sorry." And then I'd hang up. You are an adult and should not be getting "instructed" on what to do and where to be by anyone.
However-- it's probably too late to bag out of tomorrow since your husband is planning to go too. What if you do tomorrow and one of the evening events? In the next year you need to help your husband get a clue about how much event after event with a baby stresses you out.
Is part of the stress also that Xmas day is at your house? THAT would make me crazy with an 11 week old baby. I think you need to carefully assign jobs and dishes for that day. I would schmooze my MIL with a whole "I'm so overwhelmed-- and so glad that you are going to help so much on Christmas Day. My gosh-- every time I think about everything going on for the holidays I get so overwhelmed I start to cry. I really think I can only attend _______ event, but of course my husband will be at both. I know you understand." You could deliver that one at breakfast tomorrow. And maybe don't try too hard to look too put together at breakfast-- let your stress show a bit...|||No, you're not crazy at all. I would just tell your husband that you and the baby will not be attending, and that he should go without you this year. I'm sure that people will understand, just make it clear that it's nothing personal against anyone, bu that you just need some down time.|||Not crazy, but take a breath. You don't have to go, but it might help to get out of the house for a reason other than a pediatrician visit or a run to the store. You can always leave your daughter in the carseat w/ a blanket over her, and pass around a bottle of hand sanitizer. If you explain you don't want to pass her around because she was a week premature(in reality, 37 wks is considered full term, so if you were only a month before your due date, she's not that premature). You may be suffering from baby blues still, extreme anxiety can be a symptom. Go if you want to, compromise and go to a few, or only do xmas day etc. It's up to you, but as long as no one has obvious cold symptoms, then you and your daughter will be fine. She's going to meet them all anyways, and if you dont' feel comfy w/ someone, you just have to say no.
We had my daughter's b-day party 8 days after my son was born, he attended and spent the whole 3 hours passing from his aunts, to his cousin, to his great aunts, and gramma. It was great, I didn't have to change his butt or feed him the entire time. Everyone respectfully "scrubbed in" before holding him, and he hasn't even had the sniffles, beyond normal newborn congestion.
Good luck w/ your decision!|||I'd go. I cannot believe your pediatrician would tell you to keep your two and a half month old at home for the holidays. she's not a little teeny newborn anymore, she's 11 weeks old. have your relatives seen her? I'm not sure what you're afraid of. they're adults, they'll know how to act around babies. they'll know not to drop her and most likely grandma and grandpa will be the only ones who will hold her. just tell people she gets upset with other people and hold her the whole time. sorry, they're family -- you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. you sound a little paranoid.
my boyfriend has got a huge family too. his mother and father both have 8 brothers and sisters -- 16 total. plus cousins, boyfriends, kids, grandparents, great great uncle joe, you get the picture. I get it. it is overwhelming. but they're not going to hurt your baby. let them ooh and ahh over your little bundle. it will be good for you and your baby to get out.
it's christmas!|||I am SO THERE!
I come from a HUGE family where we have traditions and such and my husband comes from a very small family. It's just him and his mom and that's it. They immigrated 10 years ago from Russia and he is an only child.
My family makes alot of demands and we have a 6 weeker. They said the 26th like always we will drive from Michigan to PIttsburg, check into the hotel,exchange gifts,go to the resturant ...and such and such. I have been married for 15 months and have a 6 weeker and my husband and I feel so overwhelmed..We don't want to go. (My dads side of the family)
Last Suday was my families christmas party on my mothers side and everyone passed my 5 week old around like a hot potatoe and I hardly ever saw her..Pissed my husband off.
Do what is good for your family and for the baby. If they get mad, then they get mad.
O WELL!!! Tell them to deal.|||This sounds like more of a case of "I don't want to do my husband's family traditions, only my family's traditions". You are married, you inevitably need to attend functions on your husband's side. Your baby is now an adjusted age of two months, there is no reason that she can't be out with family. If you are breastfeeding this will give her immunity to most of the things going around anyways. Why is it okay for baby to see your family but not his family? Does his family not wash their hands or something? Really I don't see a problem with attending the events. It's Christmas, that means a lot of running around when you combine two people into one family.|||hello overwhelmed!!! lol wow!!! lots to deal with!!! let me first say that JMc gave you some great advice %26amp; i think you should really consider most, if not all, of what she said :) but while i'm here, i'm gonna drop my 2 cents, esp since i never want to see a friend %26amp; fellow mother so stressed out right before not just christmas- but her baby's 1st christmas. this is a very special time for you guys %26amp; one that you'll always remember, so make them good memories!!!
1st off- i'm sorry, but you're a wife %26amp; a mother- that means you don't get 'instructed' to do anything. that **** flies when you're 12 or maybe when you're just the new girlfriend but not at this point. i really don't get the point of so many family events so close together? i come from a HUGE family, both immediate as well as extended, %26amp; just spending christmas eve together (i'm hispanic, we celebrate christmas eve, not christmas day. christmas day, we stay in our own homes with our own immediate family %26amp; play with our new stuff %26amp; order chinese LOL) is more than enough to hold us all over til the next holiday. 'mandatory attendance' is for high school home room or work meetings not for fun family events. you make it sound so awful!!! i'm with you about tomorrow morning. ive never been to a cracker barrel but i sure as **** wouldn't start going on a saturday morning %26amp; much less at 9am. my kids don't even wake up til around 10:30 or 11 so there's no way i'd make it. i'd just say 'look, we're not morning people, that just doesn't work for us'. whats the bigger issue for you? having to get up so abnormally early %26amp; going to a cracker barrel? or being with the family. i mean, honestly, i understand that the baby was a preemie but she's almost 3 months old, if she's healthy, then she's fine to be around people, esp family. there's nothing wrong with letting them ooohh %26amp; aaahh all around her, thats what families do. but there's also nothing wrong with you or you're husband making it clear from the moment you arrive that you really just don't want her handled too much. explain politely but firmly that you are worried about germs (just say you're scared of swine flu) %26amp; they should respect your wishes. that said, you gotta let her be around people honey. if she is healthy, she needs to be exposed to people %26amp; even to their germs. its how she'll build up a resistance to them. jeez, i had about 15 people in the room (thats not counting the other 30 out in the waiting room) with me when each of my kids were born, by the time they were less than an hour old, they'd met %26amp; been held by most of their family %26amp; 10 or 15 of our closest friends.
i'm really kind of torn as to what to tell you. i totally see your point of view. for whatever reasons, you just don't wanna go to so many events, i can't say i'd want to either with such a young baby. plus like i said before, i don't get the point of seeing all the same people over %26amp; over again so many days in a row. but on the other hand, this is your new family %26amp; you might as well get used to them. also, its time for you to start showing off your little princess!!!!. but if its really to the point where, like you said, you're panic stricken, then just talk to your mother in law %26amp; explain to her that you just don't feel up to so many events, explain how overwhelmed you're feeling %26amp; tell her that you %26amp; your husband %26amp; your new baby would like start some new traditions of your own. theres nothing wrong with that. but don't say "you don't feel comfortable introducing her to "these people"' because after all, "these people" are her family %26amp; yours now too. also, if i were you, i'd let her know that from now on you'd like to be invited to attend functions rather than instructed to. i've gotta warn you, this will cause a problem, but she seems a bit controlling %26amp; the only way to deal with a controlling mother in law is to be firm from the beginning. be nice about it, sweet, ***-kissing even, if possible, or this will come back to haunt you, but just let her know that her 'instructions' can seem a little condescending. but back to what i was saying, skip the breakfast %26amp; even those other events if you're that stressed out about them %26amp; just focus on having fun on christmas eve with your family %26amp; hosting christmas day at your house. this is about you %26amp; your husband %26amp; your little girl, remember that. you guys are your family now. do what makes you 3 happy, keeps you 3 comfortable %26amp; together %26amp; you'll be just fine. but when the holiday stress is all said %26amp; done, you do have to start getting her out %26amp; exposing her to the world. you want to be able to enjoy holidays with everyone, thats what there for. good luck to you sweety. i hope you found some help here. just relax %26amp; enjoy her 1st christmas!!!|||I don't understand why you feel so overwhelmed. You're not being asked to do anything but show up. At 11 weeks, your baby should be fine going out. If you are worried about germs, carry a bottle of hand sanitizer for the people that want to hold her (with all the swine flu hype, most people won't question this).
If you are determined to skip something, I would make it the MIL family dinner because it sounds like it will be the same people from the breakfast, and the breakfast will probably be shorter.
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